Doormat

What is it about me that makes me stick around when I know someone is treating me like absolute garbage? It seems like any normal person would be like, “Hey, you can go fuck yourself or stop treating me like this. Got it? Good.” I guess the difference is that “normal” people actually stick to their word, whereas I tend to mean it in the moment, but cling on to that tiny string of hope that MAYBE, just maybe, they’ll change.

I’ve been stabbed in the back, walked over, pushed down, let down, and disappointed by numerous people an uncountable amount of times. Why can’t I be one of those people that becomes bitter or so untrustworthy that they basically cut off all emotional connections to anyone?

But instead it’s as though the more I get royally screwed over, the more I trust and love people. Why? Why? Seriously… why?

I keep such high hopes in a person that maybe those hopes shadow their really shitty traits. I can be so mad at someone for an action they did that I KNOW was wrong, but when they apologize, I can’t stop myself from smiling, saying it’s all fine, and brushing the problem off my shoulder… because, people truly make mistakes, right?

Yes, everyone makes mistakes and everyone has a trait about them that isn’t so flattering, and I’m talking in a personal sense, not physical. But the people I’m speaking of aren’t making mistakes, it’s just WHO they are.

I just want to fix those who are broken. I literally love the feeling of helping someone else, even though I am no where near having myself helped out.

I don’t know what it is about me, but I just can’t give up on people. I just want to be someone that another person can look at and say, “Thanks for giving me a chance when no one else did.”

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2 thoughts on “Doormat

  1. Once again I can relate. Of course I add my own fucked upness to the madness too but I just want to be loved and when I am in the love I doubt it and when it seems like it is going away I either become obsessive or I full on shut that person out and move on … quick. Thank you for sharing your life here on wordpress. I

    1. You honestly take the words out of my mouth. I give absolutely all of myself to a person right up front. I let it all out: my vulnerabilities, my heart, my time, my mind, my body.. Everything… Usually with nothing to little in return, which then makes me out seeking the next fulfillment. It’s draining the life out of me.

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